It happens. In long term relationships you get used to the same person, you prioritise other things such as work, you stop showing appreciation, you’re not as excited to come home and see them at the end of the day. It all just becomes too ‘average’. What happened to the days where you couldn’t keep your hands off each other, you couldn’t stop messaging throughout the entire day, and you cherished every moment together.
You wish things could go back to how they were. You wished your partner craved and appreciated you. You miss the date nights. You miss the surprises and sweet gestures. You start to wonder if it will always just be like this for the rest of your lives, or if you should even stay together!
What To Do When Your Falling Out Of Love
1. Be open and discuss everything – How is your partner supposed to know how you feel if you don’t tell them? It might come down to something simple such as they have been stressed from work. In this case you can do things to relax them such as cook a nice dinner, or give your significant other a coconut oil massage! They may be annoyed at some of your actions such as yelling too much or not cleaning up around the house, which has caused them to stop being affectionate. If you can realise what each of your faults are, at least you can work on improving them. The key to being ‘open’ is that you have to create a safe environment to talk. Your partner won’t open up to you if they think you will just shove it back in their face or get offended by it. Just talk through your feelings in a calm and respectful manner.
2. Give yourself a chance to miss each other – Take a weekend trip away with your friends and enjoy some quality time outside of your relationship. Your partner can’t be the only person in your life. It’s important to have hobbies that you can both enjoy together, as well as hobbies you can participate in separately. If you feel like that won’t do the trick, take a week instead! Go to a destination for a small holiday to really have some time with yourself or enjoy company from others. Once you re-unite with your partner again I’m sure you will both be excited to see each other!
3. Tell each other what you love about them – It can be easy to get caught up in the negative things. Complaining about why your partner didn’t do a household chore, fighting about money, or not focusing on keeping your intimacy alive. Sit down and tell each other the top 5 things you love the most about them. Or to take your partner by surprise, write it out into a lovely message and send it to them during the day while they’re at work to put a smile on their face. This may re-in-force in your own mind why you fell in love in the first place, or what qualities your partner has that you are lucky enough to enjoy.
4. Bring the spark back – Start dating again!
For your boyfriend – Tell him to meet you at a restaurant for dinner. Wear a nice new classy outfit like a long dress and heels. Put extra effort into your hair and makeup, or even get a makeover and wait to see his reaction! Or, take it outdoors and get dirty! Go to a firing range, go kayaking or fishing. I’m sure he would love to see you try something you might not usually participate in.
For your girlfriend – Buy her a new dress and lay it out on the bed for her. Buy her flowers and get them sent to her work. Or plan a spa date for her to get a massage and her nails done. You could also go the opposite way and surprise her with an outdoor adventure such as rock climbing or mountain biking! Trying a new experience may be exactly what you need to feel exhilarated and closer together once again.
5. Change up your schedule – Even if it’s just for a week. Sometimes you need a break from the stresses of work, family life and other responsibilities. Stop being so serious for just one week and see how it relaxes you. Order takeout, stay in bed all day in the weekend, and go out for social drinks on a Monday or Tuesday. Try something out of the ordinary that you wouldn’t usually do. Sometimes you need let go of all your responsibilities until you recover from the stress, which then makes it easier to achieve work life balance afterwards.
6. Talk about your future goals and dreams – Ensure you are both on the same page. Discussing your visions for the future may help you to realise if you are still working towards the same things or if your visions have changed. This can include finances, real estate, family, career, personal goals and life achievements.
7. Learn how to resolve fights efficiently – Disagreements and arguments can actually have a positive effect if you resolve the problems in the right way. It allows you to see each others point of view, helps you to have an open mind, or realise areas of personal self improvement that you can work on. When you couple up with someone, obviously no two people will ever have the same mind. Work with them not against them.
8. Remember why you got together in the first place – What is the one thing about your partner you love the most? Is it because they treat you with respect, they have ambition to go far in their career, they know how to deal with things when times are tough, they know how to relax with you and have a good time, or they encourage you to be the best person you can be? By thinking back to when you met and realising what you love about them the most, it could really help you to focus more on the positive side rather than the negative aspects. What was it that really drew you towards them in the first place?
9. Instead of being angry about your partners weaknesses, sit down and go through it with them to see how they can achieve their goal or improve their bad habits – From my experience, this is one of the BEST possible ways you can build each other up to help each other reach their full potential. Instead of getting angry at your partner for acting in a certain way or having certain habits, help them to IMPROVE! Instead of complaining that your partner can’t cook or clean, show them! If they don’t do their part taking care of household maintenance for example, explain to them why it’s important to you and how it can benefit the both of you coming home to a lovely clean and tidy house at the end of the day. If they have certain behaviors, ask them why they act that way, there may be a reason behind it. Figure out each others weaknesses, and help each other to learn or strive to be better in every way. Sometimes people don’t realise the effect their actions have on other people, or why certain things annoy you so much. So once again, create a ‘safe environment’ to talk openly about it without being judgmental or negative. Then you can focus on moving forward as one.
10. If you are both still unable to make it work – After you have tried everything that comes to mind and gone down every road to help improve the situation, if you still aren’t completely happy, then maybe it’s just not meant to be.
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